There are just certain ways to keep the love flowing.

Always remember that communication is the key. Not being in touch with someone for a long time (or probably even a short while which may seem long enough if you’re really that close, or in a relationship) would definitely stir up some emotions. Some of those would be positive — the longing to be with them (or that person), another would be anger or annoyed of some sort. The latter one may root from you trying to reach out and the other may seem to have no response at all.

Oh, life. You throw things in different ways and teach each and everyone of us how to be strong in their own little ways.

Efforts.

And when the extra efforts you once felt suddenly start diminishing even more, you have second thoughts on whether the love is slowly fading or whether it was your own paranoid self that’s bothering you all along…Or perhaps me, I’m the one that’s lacking, hence the lessening of interest that comes from your beloved. What do you do when everything that matters would start to break into two? How do you fix something that’s occurring more often nowadays. Would there always be an On and Off period for this?

The timing is just unreal.

OH LIFE. What do you do when you suddenly meet a person that should be number one instead of number two? Haha. What a confusing thought. It’s probably always the scenario, always the wrong timing. But the first one should still come first, it’s too unfair. Hmm. What a repeating cycle! #random

An update is in order. *Currently stares at planner and wonders how to go about this*

• Been attending interviews
• I still do my quick run (may it be early in the morning or a night jog)
• Still in contact with high school friends and we’re going out a lot (Kinect dates and dinner/ pigout dates)
• Also in contact with old HS and College teammates (been attending to watch and help out in competitions)
• PBA Blue vs Green dream game 2012 @ Araneta Coliseum with family and friends
• Had a hair trim and doesn’t look much different. Lol!
• Been having sleepovers as well
• Attended the Hot Air Balloon fiesta 2012 @ Clark Freeport  (Pampanga)
• Cubao X!
• Skarlet Jazz Kitchen gig!
• Watching plays and attending recognition nights at UA&P
• Had a job offer and accepted it
• Completed gathering government documents (I did it for a week, so much forms and lines!)
• Giving free advice for my friends who’ve been calling me during the wee hours (I fix their problems, can’t do mine, heh.)
• Having tons of phone credits (thanks to my dear friend, eherm @frankjestein) for my BBM and actual load
• Yes, my Sun phone is also alive!
• Drinks at night are still in
• Ace Water Spa @ Pasig branch with college friends
• Waxing ouchies. Heehee.

Now what?

Mini-reflection

Since it’s already 2012, and there’s a few months left until I’ve reached a year of enjoyment, relaxation, and “bum time”…there’s at least some reflection I came across myself…before I finally move forward in the next chapter of my life. (Lol, dramatic.)

A lot of realizations came, especially during  the latter part of 2011. I’ve known all the while that I do not look too much into the future, and I’m the “now” girl or only looking to the future as the “tomorrow”…probably the farthest would be the month. It’s natural for being scared of the unknown, or maybe I’m just lazy to think about what’s ahead. Though I know that greatness is destined for each one of us, my lack of direction and indecisiveness has always been bothering me. And trying to move past that, I’ve written down something in my journal, which I would also want to share in our own interwebbed-world. Haha. Right now, the only thing I’m missing is my professional goal. Here are my concrete actions/thoughts…

Beggars cannot be choosy. Career growth and experience over money (for now at least, haha!). Always seize the day.

Probably in the next 2 years, I will attend lots of trainings and experience more about the corporate world (circling around the IT career path, of course). After that, I might quit for a while and look for a part-time job so I could finally take my MASTERALS DEGREE. (By then, I’m going to be 25 years old, dang!) When I finish that (hopefully a maximum of 3 years?!), I’d be 28 and apply for a truly professional job.

I know it’s gonna take soooo long before I actually “concretize” all of these thoughts, but at least I’ve finally decided. If I was in the medicine career path and I’ve decided just now, I’m screwed! Haha. Good thing I’m in the line of technology, eh? Okay, that’s all for now. My travel and family goal will come after 5 years. No need to think of it now…I think.

TSK!

What a failed day. Went out for this job venture and ended up not doing anything because the open house was for those who haven’t taken the exam yet. Well, I already did and actually passed. And up to now, I haven’t gotten an interview schedule. Well, it’s alright, cos tonight I got two (2) emails that are jobhunt-related.

1st email — it was regarding the test I already took, which I only have to reply to and follow-up my resume. That’s good.

2nd email — an invitation for an exam in another tech company. I was about to reply, but I did my normal routine and checked the forums regarding the workplace and everything related to it. It’s a good reputable company with good salary, especially for fresh grads! But I hated the fact that a lot of people resign and did not like their 2-year bond with the company because of exponentially bad experiences. The 48-page thread full of rants totally changed my mind about applying to this company. Oh, what the internet does… Influencing people and such, quite effective. LOL!

Let’s hope I get company # 1! Good luck to me!

console . log ( ” I want to go back! ” );

I was reading and programming JavaScript basics awhile ago and realized that I actually missed the time during early college (eherm, freshman days) when I actually programmed and thought about something really really hard. Haha! I want to go back into being sooo analytical and technical again. I just don’t know how to do it in a short span of time. I guess I have to go back and practice from basics. Boo, I should’ve just pursued this. LOL.

I don’t know if I want to do this for work, or just to do it for fun when I have nothing to do. I just don’t want my brain to be dead. Hello, C, C++, Java, JS, JSTL, JSP, JSF, MySQL! I missed you all.

Dreams.

I barely have dreams at night. Most of which, I do not even remember. I only come to know that I had a dream when it has already happened. Yes, déjà vu as always. But then again, last night was a bit different. It was a nightmare. And it was the kind of “falling teeth” story.

There’s this person who asked me what time we’ll be meeting. At the back of my head, I was thinking…it’s either you’re excited or you have to meet someone else before me. HAHAHA. What a bad thought, doubts? Lol. Not really. I don’t know why it suddenly popped into my head. Probably because of previous experiences. But this one’s different. No comparison should be made. But then again, during the night…I dreamt of one side of my teeth…like half of it, actually came off!

I read some stuff regarding dreams because the ones I usually have (when I actually remember, or jolt awake from it) would be about “falling” and waking up before I actually hit the ground. Hmm. Falling teeth dreams have something to do with being afraid of rejection, appearance or looking old, being left alone, or something of the sort. Like being judged for physical stuff and rejected for it. Hmm, I don’t really have a care much of my appearance because I’m not the fashionista type. Probably the one of judgment and rejection would be more of me. But then again, another perspective says that my it also symbolizes being able to get money because of its relation to the tooth fairy. Others would say that some close family/relative/friend is sick or near death. I guess the closest one to my dream would be the first one because of the back story I just told you.

More on the dream: I kept on telling my mom that I should go to the dentist and get this fixed or have fake ones and stuff like that…but it kept on delaying and she says it’s not so bad and no one would notice. But when I look at myself in the mirror, you could notice it but it’s like…it’s not really half that’s missing! Like there are holes within my teeth, only on the left side though. Weird. But when I look at the fallen teeth, they’re still in one piece (half of it)…so how come there’s still some teeth on the left side when I look in the mirror?! HAHAHA. WEIRD!

Enough ramblings. Thank you, WordPress, for allowing me to express my dream here.

THEN AGAIN, it’s just a dream. Though it’s an interpretation of the subconscious. Lol. Any psych majors out there? Heh. Goodnight, world. I wonder if I’ll have dreams tonight.

I wrote this last December 31, 2011 @ 7PM

31 December 2011 – 7:00 PM

Today’s the last day of 2011… It’s actually the last night. I believe there is an obligatory pause for a moment to think of all the things that have happened to me this past year. Some little reflection for me to think about… Hmm.

This is a free writing for tonight, so expect a lot of INCOHERENCE. Heh.

START

I started the year with a lot of partying and celebration because of things I have moved forward from 2010. I believe in having no regrets. All of these things happened for a reason, most probably for a lesson to learn from. It has been said a lot of times. I also started the year (and it has been my saying for a long time), “Always forgive, never forget”. Some would say that you have not really forgiven anyone if you can’t forget about it. For me, it’s not about remembering because the scar is too great. It is also related to what I’ve said about learning. I’d rather move on by being able to remember that things that have made me reflect in the past. It is not because I have a lot of enemies, or few friends that I could count on. I highly value my memories that the people around me have given, and I treasure each one.

I was able to gain girl friends! The ones wherein I wasn’t able to have during my college years because I was kind of isolated and bounded. Lol. But towards the end, I became distant again because of some “circumstances”, but I’m not detached as I was before. Yay.

I have immensely enjoyed my last few months in college, and I have finally graduated from school. Though I still plan on pursuing or getting a Masters Degree (which didn’t happen because there were few students who enrolled), I actually became a “bum” for the long lasting months ahead.

MIDDLE

Those of which, I also do not regret. Being able to stay at home, spending so much time with myself, family and friends. It was the best time of my life. It’s a really long stay-cation, I must say. Yes, I do not have continuous flow of cash, but it’s not really things that matter. I was able to spend time with my former high school team and coaches in Taekwondo. I assisted in matches! Probably around 4 or so, really stressful during the day, but all’s good and fun because I miss training! (Btw, my last training was probably a little after graduation (in UA&P, not Claret)! Gah, so long ago. I miss! HAHA.

Also, I got to spend time with my most beloved high school bestfriends and barkada MORE OFTEN. I got to exercise and run a lot, and other hobbies that needed more than a day to accomplish. I caught up on watching my favorite series, movies, and internet surfing. HAHA. Yes, I do that everyday, but then again, it’s fun to do it without thinking much of deadlines. Don’t get me wrong, I have been passing resumes after graduation, but I guess those positions weren’t for me. Better opportunities will come.

END

Towards the end of the year, there came a lot of realizations and tons of parties! Yay. Realizations of my dark sides and bad habits, mostly experiences I’ve had when I was growing up. I’ve attended these two seminars which made me realize how blessed and great I am as a person. Parties and reunions with my other friends came, and I’m so happy to celebrate with each one of them. The year is as fruitful as it can be. Though I haven’t reached or even found where I can be happy in my professional life, I must say that my personal life is at one of its best. I am thankful and ever so grateful to all the people who supported me, listened to me, and were always there to hug me when I needed it. No, not just sad moments. They were really few. Mostly for the hugs of happiness I’ve received, and those that I wanted to spread. I want to share my love even more!

Yes. There are a lot of things not mentioned here, a bit vague perhaps, but this would be a very very VERY long entry if I were to just be typer-happy. A conclusion: A love discovery. Family understandings. Friends and blessings. And work life, I will conquer you this coming 2012. Huzzah!

Happy, blessed and overflowing love. ♥

I am really happy right now to the point that I wish this wouldn’t stop. For the past few days, I’ve realized that I’ve been blessed with a lot of things and people in my life. I should be more appreciative of what I have, and just continue to spread my love. It’s been inside me all along and now that I am more aware of these things, I should not leave anything to chance. Responsibility should not be so hard. NOW is the time to move forward and create results in my life. I’m so filled with gratitude and I will not let the past or any more negativity hold me back. I know what has to be done and I know that I am a committed, courageous and trusting woman. ♥

Attended this seminar and I’m so happy!

It’s about celebrating one’s greatness and being a leader of yourself. I’m so filled with positivity and love. ♥ My friend Kit invited me to attend this along with Tella. And I’m so happy we made the right choice. I can’t really post details on how it went because I want my other friends to experience it too. Haha! I can’t believe I actually cried in the finale. :’)